farters have to be the big spoon...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
