i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize