Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
