He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
