so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
