what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
