mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
