What a fucking waste of an outfit
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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