how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
