I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
