He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
