I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
