Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
