Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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