she woke up with a sticky ear
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
