The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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