Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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