It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want her autograph on my taint
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
