why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
