So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Randomize
