dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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