I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
