In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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