im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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