everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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