Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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