I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
