Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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