Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
