We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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