We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
