Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
