my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
