Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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