omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
