Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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