I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
