i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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