sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wear drunk well.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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