My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
