I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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