Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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