I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
