when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
