im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize