i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
