the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
