So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
