why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
