just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
