Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
