shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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