the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
