I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Congratulations! We have a period
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
