She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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