Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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