Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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