You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize