that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
