I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
