I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
