Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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