come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
