I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize