Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
