I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
