Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
