I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
