Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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