Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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