3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
